At busy restaurants and workplaces across the United States, a subtle but consequential divide is emerging. Servers, managers, and office leaders describe a widening gap between how Baby Boomers and Gen Z understand everyday respect, from greeting others to using phones in shared spaces. The contrast is reshaping service jobs, office culture, and even civic life, as two generations operate with different, often unspoken, rules for how to show basic courtesy.
Respect, Then and Now
Hospitality veterans who have watched diners for more than a decade say older guests typically follow a familiar script. They greet the host, look staff in the eye, nod or smile at bartenders, and thank bussers for refilling water. Small gestures of acknowledgment—eye contact, a brief “hello,” a quiet apology—signal that they see the people around them.
Younger diners are more likely to walk in wearing earbuds, glance at their phones instead of staff, and sit down without speaking. On flights, older travelers tend to settle in with a book or quietly rest, while some younger passengers make video calls, watch clips without headphones, or record videos in tight spaces. To Boomers, respect often means not intruding: giving others room, keeping noise down, and avoiding unnecessary interruptions.
That difference extends to conversation. Older guests are more inclined to let someone finish speaking, whereas younger customers sometimes interject mid-explanation to ask questions the server would have answered a few seconds later. For Boomers, interrupting has long been treated as a visible sign of impatience and poor self-control.
Time, Apologies, and Everyday Courtesy
Punctuality is another clear fault line. In a Meeting Canary study of more than 1,000 adults in the U.S. and U.K., 70% of Boomers said they have no tolerance for lateness, while 47% of Gen Z respondents considered arriving 5 to 10 minutes past the agreed time as essentially being on time. For older adults, showing up early or exactly on time is a basic signal that another person’s schedule matters. Regular lateness, they report, feels like a message: my time is more important than yours.
The same pattern appears in how each generation uses apologies. Boomers often offer quick, low-stakes apologies in crowded spaces—”Sorry, let me move,” “Sorry, you go ahead”—meant to smooth friction and show awareness of others. In contrast, younger adults raised on advice about “protecting your energy” may see frequent apologies as self-erasing or weak. Yet research from Lindenwood University and other institutions links time management and structured routines to improved psychological well-being, suggesting that habits older generations formed as social norms also carried mental health benefits.
Service Work on the Front Lines
Nowhere is this divide felt more intensely than in the service and hospitality sector. Approximately 15 to 16 million Americans, representing about 12-13% of the workforce, are employed in restaurants, hotels, and similar roles. Many Boomers in those dining rooms once held such jobs themselves and often treat servers and kitchen staff as professionals deserving steady thanks and reliable tips. Some go further, expressing appreciation in handwritten notes or quiet conversations with managers.
By comparison, restaurant operators say a portion of younger customers focus less on the workers and more on documenting their own experience. Staff describe tables where phones stay out throughout the meal, videos are filmed without asking, and feedback arrives later through online reviews rather than direct, in-person gratitude. Industry reports indicate higher anxiety and burnout among service workers in environments with high distraction levels, with managers reporting lower morale and fraying tipping norms.
Phone Habits and Listening Gaps
Phone etiquette has become a barometer for broader expectations about shared space. In one PCMag survey, 87% of Boomers said using speakerphone in public is unacceptable, while only 13% considered it appropriate. Among Gen Z, 41% described public speakerphone use as acceptable. Similar disputes surface around video calls on airplanes, filming in restaurants, or scrolling during face-to-face conversations.
Listening patterns reveal another shift. Research suggests that younger generations are more likely to avoid engaging with opposing viewpoints compared to older age groups. At the same time, surveys indicate that a majority of Americans believe people were once better listeners than they are today, with Boomers most likely to agree. Smartphones, studies have found, distract from in-person conversations for more than half of respondents, reinforcing a sense that serious listening is becoming rarer just as public debates grow sharper.
Workplaces, Politics, and What Comes Next
These differences now shape office life. Human resources departments report friction when younger employees enter meetings without greeting colleagues, interrupt more freely, or take personal calls on speaker. Older co-workers often see such behavior as dismissive or rude, while younger staff may experience expectations around small talk, constant eye contact, or formal expressions of thanks as inauthentic or emotionally draining.
In response, some companies are hiring etiquette coaches or building “professional communication” training into onboarding. Industry observations and workplace consultants report better retention and cross-generational collaboration in workplaces that make unwritten rules explicit instead of assuming all employees share the same standards. Firms that frame these efforts as tools for clearer communication, rather than as a return to outdated manners, report higher satisfaction and fewer complaints.
The generational divide is also visible in civic spaces. Boomers, brought up on instructions not to “make a scene,” often prefer quieter, formal channels for disagreement. Gen Z, skeptical that polite deference moves institutions, is more likely to favor public confrontation and visible activism. Town halls, school board meetings, and online forums now feature clashing expectations over volume, emotion, and what constitutes respectful dissent.
Across countries, researchers see similar patterns, especially where smartphones and global youth culture have spread quickly. Yet societies with strong family-centered traditions show more continuity in ritual greetings and deference to elders, suggesting that long-standing cultural norms still temper the pace of change.
Psychologists warn that these shifts have emotional costs. Research indicates that in environments where people rarely acknowledge one another, individuals experience higher levels of loneliness and anxiety. Workplaces that deliberately encourage simple rituals—greetings, eye contact, verbal thanks—report better well-being across age groups. Neuroscientists note that small signals of recognition activate brain pathways linked to safety and belonging.
For many young adults, the core value remains authenticity: the belief that real connection requires honesty about feelings and identity, not just smooth behavior. Yet even within Gen Z, a growing cohort of professionals argues that genuine self-expression and basic courtesy are not in conflict. Leadership research indicates that professionals who combine direct, authentic communication with consistent politeness tend to advance faster and maintain stronger professional networks.
Taken together, these findings suggest that the current friction is less a clash between respect and self-expression than a negotiation over how to integrate both. As Boomers age out of many public roles and Gen Z moves further into the workplace and civic leadership, institutions that consciously blend clear expectations, everyday acknowledgment, and room for honest voices may be best placed to bridge the gap. The forms may evolve, but the underlying need—to feel seen, heard, and treated with dignity—remains constant across generations.
Sources:
VegOut Magazine, Adam Kelton column, December 8, 2025
Stephen Covey, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”
Travel etiquette observations, 2024–2025
Psychology Today on generational courtesy, 2024
Meeting Canary generational workplace study, December 2024
Lindenwood University, “The Relationship Between Punctuality and Time Control,” April 2016